Who you callin CURSED?

The other week, I went to a party in Manhattan (because YOLO) and met two people who each told me interesting things about myself:

“Oh, you are cursed,” a beautiful womyn with waist length braids took my hands as she walked past. It was the most action I’ve had in months.

“Excuse me?” Biiiih, who are you callin cursed? I was born on Easter, therefore I am literally #blessed.

“You cannot be both hard and soft. You will have to choose.”

I instantly knew she was right, but I was feeling vulnerable and uncomfortable. I took my hands back and said, “Okay, girl…” I fled the scene and made my way to the bar.

I flagged down the bartender, a dark haired womyn with a lollipop hanging out her mouth. She looked annoyed when I asked for water. Sorry, I’m just trynna stay hydrated in these streets.

I could feel the man next to me staring hard. There has to be a scientific explanation for why we can feel people watching us… Anyway, I turn to look back at him. I do this to every street harasser. My friends hate it when I stare back, but I read somewhere that looking people in the eye when they are doing bogus shit makes them feel shame and discomfort.

Right, so I look at dude and the look on his face isn’t predatory at all! He looks… intrigued.

“Are you a Capricorn or a Sagittarius?” Oh, is this a pick up line?

“No. I’m an Aries.” As an Aries, I am offended when anyone thinks I am anything other than the Zodiac’s HBIC.

“You have an amazing aura. It’s really interesting. You have big changes coming to you. You are on the rise.” He then explains he is a spiritual guide and shows me the talisman around his neck. I tell him I cut off all of my hair on a whim just a few days ago. I’m totally buying this.

Listen, it’s easier to buy into positive readings that fit my worldview. It’s called confirmation bias and it’s probably why psychics are recession proof. Let me live.

I’ll reflect on these readings in another post (my dog literally just threw up on my bed and I’ve gotta deal with it), but isn’t New York funny?

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